Being apologetic

 It was a moment of discovery and retrospection. I was crying for few hours but before I do that I apologized  everyone as a group and  many individuals personally.   Anyone who knew me know what I am and what it means to be. I was fighting bigger  causes for larger good and never hesitated to speak out openly and do not regret for that.




It looks like I made some people sad and they have or may  build grudge against me,  it would be hurting them more than it can do to me.  Engineers are the core of IT companies and last thing I wanted to do is to hurt someone, what ever may be the underlying issue.   Mangers are typically plenty or easily replaceable but engineers and leaders are not.    I was doubting myself, what kind of a person I have become if I could hurt some engineer to a level they are not open to talk me?   thats terrible thing. It is against my own will, conscience  and existence.   Last thing I want to do is be a reason for some good people to lose sleep over thoughts of me.  I know goodness is relative, the whole concept of "right" or "wrong" is relative and it depends on which side of the coin you look at it.  My side is my team.


Do not carry grudge to grave,  thats self inflicted injustice 


I wanted to be open myself up, free myself. Crying few hours and questioning myself was Ok, it was stressful but was needed.


Who ever knew my fighting spirit, may be wondering how can  this guy be so soft and fragile?  I am a fighter, but when my own people feel me as a pain, that strikes me more than a fight for a cause.   You can say my weak spot is my team or whom I believe are my team or close to me.  


Forgiveness of self or someone else and willingness to move forward 

is a strength and not weakness


Leaving grudges, negative thoughts and focussing on present and the future is going to help me and people around me. One suggestion to myself and if applicable for readers of this blog is 

Be direct, but first be empathic and understand the other person


Be watchful with the tone, words and the speed


Debt of any sort, monetary or emotional is not good. it will keep haunting you, so clear it up, the free world is awaiting.

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