Being apologetic
It was a moment of discovery and retrospection. I was crying for few hours but before I do that I apologized everyone as a group and many individuals personally. Anyone who knew me know what I am and what it means to be. I was fighting bigger causes for larger good and never hesitated to speak out openly and do not regret for that.
It looks like I made some people sad and they have or may build grudge against me, it would be hurting them more than it can do to me. Engineers are the core of IT companies and last thing I wanted to do is to hurt someone, what ever may be the underlying issue. Mangers are typically plenty or easily replaceable but engineers and leaders are not. I was doubting myself, what kind of a person I have become if I could hurt some engineer to a level they are not open to talk me? thats terrible thing. It is against my own will, conscience and existence. Last thing I want to do is be a reason for some good people to lose sleep over thoughts of me. I know goodness is relative, the whole concept of "right" or "wrong" is relative and it depends on which side of the coin you look at it. My side is my team.
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