As you get older three things happen. The first is
your memory goes, and I can't remember the other
-- Sir Norman Wisdom
Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are
like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone.
-- Lenny Bruce
One of the most difficult things in the world is to
convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
-- Edgar Watson Howe
A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and
tolerates your success!
-- Doug Larson
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new
bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that
way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
-- Erno Philips
I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'.
-- Robert Paul
We spend the first twelve months of our children's li
ves teaching them to walk and talk and the next
twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
-- Phyllis Diller
Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
-- Victor Borge
Start every day with a smile and get it over with.
-- W.C. Fields
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to
-- Will Rogers
Always get married early in the morning. That way, if
it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
-- Mickey Rooney
Women now have choices. They can be married, not
married, have a job, not have a job, be married with
children, unmarried with children. Men have the same
choice we've always had: work or prison.
-- Tim Allen
If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love
you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...'
- they leave skid marks.
-- Rita Rudner
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there
when it happens.
-- Woody Allen
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the
answer but wish we didn't.
-- Erica Jong
Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of
-- Elbert Hubbard
Always and never are two words you should always
remember never to use.
-- Wndell Johnson
In life, it's not who you know that's important,
it's how your wife found out.
-- Joey Adams
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one
years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
-- Henry Youngman
Have you noticed that all the people in favour of
birth control are already born ?
-- Benny Hill
Thanks to suresh gade